Being human

Do we all have certain buttons that when pressed send us instantly crazy?

It can’t just be me.

I see it all the time in different forms, whether it is someone getting angry after being given constructive criticism or comfort eating after a fight.

We each have certain buttons, triggers and responses that rear their ugly heads before we can blink.

In my case one of mine is people treating me like I’m worthless.

Like my opinions are worthless, my time is worthless and my friendship/love is worthless along with many others.

This particularly sensitive button of mine can be triggered in many different ways. Sometimes it is a malicious, conscious push by a narcissist or negative influence, but most of the time it is people innocently triggering something that they have no idea is so highly charged.

When we look at these innocent people and the anger is starting to bubble away it’s easy to give in to our ego and emotions and choose to be right.

“Of course they are *insert whatever insult our huffing ego is calling them here*!”

It feels good to be right and to justify our beliefs. We actually spend most of our lives trying to do exactly that for every belief…but that’s a topic for another post.

If we step back for a second and look at the situation without emotion, let’s ask ourselves “does this really merit the response I am having?”.

Sometimes the answer will be yes, and this might be an opportunity to communicate our needs or establish boundaries.

In many cases however the answer will be no, and that’s where conscious thinking really takes commitment and guts.

This is the moment we either give in to our ego and be right, or become a master of our own life, choose conscious thinking and begin to eat some humble pie.

You see, the big secret our ego doesn’t want us to realise is that the trigger is not the person who did whatever the action might be, or even the action itself that we are reacting to.

If you are fighting me at this point it’s more than likely your ego trying to keep its power over you. You’ve listened to it for so long it’s not going to want a blogger to take away its hold on you.

You have been a faithful follower, carrying out its needs and wishes.

By indulging our auto-responses we are being servants to our past and our ego. But I believe we are better than that and that we deserve a life where we choose.

If we are going to choose to indulge our emotions, let’s at least consciously do it.  Are you ready?

Be honest – if this situation happened to another person, would they respond in the same way and to the extent you are reacting?

If we really take the emotion out, our honest answer will likely be no. This means that we are not reacting to the person or the situation at all!

In these moments we are actually reacting to something or someone from our past, not necessarily them.

So that person we were about to turn all Carrie on, well let’s put down the pail, take a breath and realise that they actually don’t merit our response…or at least not to that scale.

Becoming powerful and the master of our emotions, and in turn life, sometimes means admitting that we were in that moment fuelled by ego and were wrong to react in that way.

Ouch goes our ego!

All that said, our reactions happen without us realising. They are automatic unconscious habits, so be kind while learning to tame them.

It might take years before we can quickly pick up that our ego is about to strike and consciously choose to react in a more powerful way.

Mastery doesn’t happen overnight but the rewards will be worth it. Don’t give up. Celebrate every win no matter how small.

I know you can learn to master your ego – do you?

Much love,

C.

Listening for the answers

I am only recently getting back in touch with my intuition. That little voice in my head that just knows. I believe when I was younger, like many kids, I was totally in touch with my intuition and was usually steered in the right direction. But as other influences came into my life I began to question myself.

There were so many times that I knew something but hushed this little voice to follow my peers and attempt to fit in. I didn’t really, I was a bit of an odd child like so many kids who are sensitive, but none the less I tried.

My life became a constant battle of being influenced by others. I was soft hearted and all too willing to trust that everyone else knew what was best for me, despite me knowing otherwise deep down. Shoosh I told that little voice. So one day that little voice stopped speaking to me.

Years went on and eventually I got sick of constantly being at the whim of others. I had had enough of having my mind constantly being changed, and changing my beliefs on a whim to satisfy every person around me. Enough was enough. So instead I chose to become incredibly stubborn and not listen to or be influenced by anyone.

The issue with this new found mindset was that my intuition was still hushed. So at this time I was really acting either from a state of fight or flight responding to my past experiences, or trying desperately not to be like everyone else. It depended on the situation.

Though no longer dominated by others, I knew I was still not being true to myself or acting in my best interest. When I was expending so much energy trying not to be like others, and not be influenced in any way by them I was still trapped and at the mercy of others. There was still no freedom.

As I began to learn to release the past and create my future from a blank slate, only then did I begin to gain some power over my own life.

And one day I heard that little voice again. At first I was unsure, but I soon saw that each time I chose not to listen to it I’d always end up off track. I quickly learned to trust it and respect it.

The problem was and still is, that trust and respect for something seemingly intangible can still be swayed by people around us, societal norms and even our own rationalisation.

Just moments ago I was tempted to be influenced by someone who I care about deeply, fall into fear and run to another to confirm what I already knew…just in case. They had my best interest at heart but their views were being influenced by panic as well as their own past and I could see this.

The first thing I did was to ensure I was not acting from my own past and being stubborn. To achieve this I first chose to be thankful, thankful for their care and them being in my life. Next, instead of sticking my head in the sand and ignoring the issue, or digging my heels into the sand and stubbornly ignoring them I looked at things from their point of view and also from a few other angles. By doing this I could see their side with a greater understanding and have compassion.

I then considered their opinion diplomatically, and made a choice that was best for me and in line with my beliefs. I chose to trust my intuition, that little voice that told me everything was exactly as it should be. And as it turned out, it was.

In my quest to overcome the limitations of my past and create the amazing life I desire I have gotten into the habit of running to others for help.

I feel like my journey right now is learning to trust that I’ve got the knowledge required within me in many situations. It is about getting back in touch with my own knowing. And yes sometimes that does mean knowing I need to consult another.

It about learning to respect my intuition, and trust it, and as this relationship grows again I’m excited to see where it leads me.

Much love,

C.