Charisma

At a dance workshop I met two of the most amazing people. They radiated the highest level of self worth that I’d seen in a long time, yet were the most likeable, genuine and caring people in the room.

The perfect balance they seemed to have struck left me completely in awe.

When I got to dance with the female instructor, she greeted me with the biggest smile and began stroking my hair admiring it for how soft it was. She must have felt it when she hugged me. I was taken aback at how friendly she was.

She was instantly comfortable with every person in the room and her adorable personality won each of us over instantly.

I still referred to them as a Brazilian god and goddess when I talk about them, and I don’t think I was too far off in terms of what they radiated.

They were charismatic beyond belief, but I couldn’t figure out why until I spent a bit more time with them later that night at a social party.

I think it’s a part of their contract for each international artist to come along to a party that night. The social dancing kind of party.

The artists are usually swamped with people wanting to dance with them and I can understand that this is intimidating or possibly draining on some nights.

I occasionally find them hiding in a side room to catch their breath as they are hounded by the next round of keen attendees wanting their moment with someone famous in our dance scene.

I rarely ask these international artists for a dance as I feel sorry for them being squealed at like a rockstar which some are visibly shy about. Others do enjoy the admiration, I’ll admit that.

These two were different.

Between them they asked every person in the room to dance at least once, making sure that no one was left out.

They were both totally focused on the person they danced with, making it at the right level so that we felt like the best dancer in the world for that one song.

So often the artist is looking around the room, visibly bored when dancing with someone.

They stayed in the room and had genuine conversations with each person, giving us their full attention even if it was only a few moments before the next person would come up and ask for a dance.

There was no queue, which there always is, and people hesitated to interrupt their conversations because we could each see that they were completely present and engulfed in whatever the other person was saying.

They gave 100% of themselves to whatever they were doing.

At the end of the night, instead of sneaking out, they came up to each and every person, gave us a giant heartfelt hug, genuine smile and a thank you for the dances/conversation.

I then realised what made them so enigmatic, and what true charisma boils down to.

True charisma isn’t about saying hello, it’s about being so amazingly excited and grateful to have the chance to do so.

It’s about giving 100% of yourself to whatever you are doing in that moment.

It’s also about being unapologetically you.

Not everyone would be that friendly, but their kindness and enthusiasm were both so genuine that it was well received by even the hardest hearts in the room. They were unapologetically them and we loved them for it.

How do we get to this stage?

Charisma is more than the external attributes I just mentioned that is visible to others. There’s a deep level of self respect involved to be able to give that much of yourself and be so genuinely you in each moment.

In order to become charismatic, and a person that people genuinely flock to, it starts with us.

We need to care for ourselves first, so that when we need to or choose to, there’s so much love, enthusiasm and kindness to give.

It’s like the bonus round in our quest for self worth. It’s the level where we learn to remain humble and present to the needs of others, while putting our needs first in total harmony.

Self respect is an ongoing journey, and even once we get there it still takes focus in a different kind of way. The payoff though is a life that you love and being who you truly are, unapologetically in every area and moment of your life.

That to me is worth all of the failings, all of the highs and all of the lows as I reach for it.

It can seem so tedious or unattainable at times, and we can lose our way so it’s important to keep our goals front of mind whatever they are.

Find what works for you and keep your eye on the prize. Then maybe you’ll create all eyes on you.

Much love,

C

A kinder challenge

As I posted about recently it’s been a pretty rocky road these last few months learning a lot very quickly.

Without my usual safety nets like a routine, regular income and so many other things it’s put my nerves on edge. I haven’t always handled it the best way.

With three months until a major life event I’ve decided to clean up my act and do a 12 week challenge. It’s a different kind though and has one rule – be kind to myself.

I’ve written in the past about my controlling and destructive ways. For too many years I was brutal on myself, controlling every aspect of my life so that I did what I thought was best no matter if my body was screaming for me to do something else.

This last year I’ve learned the absolute bliss of listening to my body to hear what it needs.

In my 12 week challenge I’ve got plenty of things that I would like to add in, but how and when they get done will depend on what I feel is best at that time.

If I’m tired I might give myself a facial, have a foot soak and/or read as part of a relaxing night in (a crucial aspect that’s been missing lately). If I’m really energetic I might bust out my strength training, or if my nerves are on edge I might go to a yoga class instead.

I’ll make time again for my true love of dance, and put aside money to make it happen so there’s no excuses.

This also means I’ll be more committed to my stretching each morning as it requires an amazing amount of flexibility.

I’ll put reminders in my phone to get a haircut occasionally so I feel fantastic when I look in the mirror, and I’ll also set a reminder to do a few quick exercises each morning so I can improve a lingering injury.

There will be time in my day to meditate and do a visualisation activity to create my life as even more amazing. I’ll also commit to moving every day for at least 30 minutes instead of working through with no break, which leaves me stressed, on edge and over-tired.

Basically I’m going to be selfish for a little while and I am completely okay with that.

I’ll still make time for my friends and usual commitments, but I’m going to be incredibly conscious of what my body needs in these 12 weeks and act on that. No control, no schedules, no dictatorship like rigour, just a peaceful exchange of kindness and respect.

This is very new territory for me so it’s even about being kind to myself when I forget or start to get a bit obsessive.

After 12 weeks I feel like I’ll be mentally and physically at the top of my game ready for the next very exciting chapter of my life.

I’ll feel amazing and that’ll flow into every aspect of my life. This includes being more present to the needs of those around me as I’m not caught up in my own mind.

For me this is about learning a new way of being, a more reflective and gentle way, but also building myself up so I can be who I choose to be for others.

We all know that when we feel amazing that it flows out of us.

We smile at others, joke around and are kind without a second thought because we are in that state of mind.

By being a little bit gentler on ourselves we are actually paving the way to be more selfless, which to me seems like a worthy thing to commit my time to.

Much love,

C