girl covering her eyes

Pitfalls of personal development #2

Eating disorders, depression, failure, relationship breakups, fights, turning into a parent…the this goes on for what we tell ourselves can’t or won’t happen to us because xyz. But sometimes, it can and sometimes it’s because we’ve ignored the warning signs for far too long.

Another pitfall of personal development is the refusal to see reality as it is. We tell ourselves to look at the bright side, and we should. We don’t indulge negative thoughts and try, try, try to make our lives better every day in every way.

This is all very good, but sometimes we can unconsciously use these small tactics as bandaid solutions to a much larger beast that is rearing its head for us to address.

If ever you find yourself in a situation where it’s just not working despite all of your conscious thinking or positive actions, perhaps its time to look on a bigger scale at what needs to change.

Sometimes life knows better than us and is doing its best to show us that something is out of line and ready to go.

I saw a video doing the rounds about some type of sea creature outgrowing its shell.

When the shell becomes too small, the animal become uncomfortable until the point that it can’t take it anymore, leaves its shell and takes cover for a period of time while it grows a new shell.

Then it returns to life, but eventually it becomes uncomfortable again and has to choose to leave its shell, find a safe space and grow another one.

This part of the story I’ve heard before, but what came next is what put some new perspective on it for me.

He added that if this animal was a human that it would have been prescribed antidepressants, mood stabilisers, pain medication and anti-inflammatories to name a few if it had visited the doctor. These would have allowed it to never leave its shell, which would have created a much larger issue.

Now I’d like to say that for some people, in some cases medication is very necessary. I’m not denying that or suggesting to avoid seeking medical help if necessary. But medication is not the whole answer.

Pain is a way of showing us that it’s time reflect, make some changes and grow. It’s telling us that something isn’t right and if we listen, we can be so much more than our current selves allow.

If we hide from this pain whether it’s in our lives or selves, we’re robbing ourselves of opportunities to grow. And sometimes if it’s REALLY time to grow, we can get into tricky situations by skirting around the edges.

That is where denial comes in.

What if the sea creature had done little things to make its shell more comfortable? It could have lost weight to make it fit, or distract itself from the pain.

Eventually it would have had to face the truth and well it might be a lot harder for it to leave its shell then rather than when it first felt nature’s pull to grow.

Denial is a nasty beast that can get us into some pretty tricky situations.

It might be big, it might be small, but if you’re brave spend half an hour focusing in and have a look around your life to see if there’s something you’re denying. Let your subconscious work its magic, and something may pop into your mind.

Then watch your world change.

Much love,

C

Taming the workaholic within

A few months ago I read a comment from a favourite entrepreneur of mine, Lisa Messenger.

It was light heartedly but pointedly talking about wanting to meet the person who decided that we needed to work 9-5, 5 days a week and, well, not giving them the kindest reception.

Decades ago an 8 hour day seemed to be sufficient, and would provide the wage to support a family and stay at home wife if needed. They’d be able to afford a home, and when they left work, for most people, their work would usually end.

Now with technology it never ends. Nor does the expectation of us to be on top of everything minute by minute.

I was once reprimanded by a manager for a mistake that was made by a member of my team at 10pm on a Sunday.

What happened in that moment was nothing that my bosses had hoped. I was left asking myself why my team was being asked to do work at 10pm at night, and why I was expected to be overseeing something so late on a Sunday night.

The expectations of perfection, connection and commitment are essentially 24/7.

Perhaps it’s my digital marketing background but my entire working life has been about checking social media even at 2am on a weekend night to ensure that no trolls had posted inappropriate content, knowing that if I didn’t see it there would be ramifications.

This habit, as much as I was determined to leave it behind, reared its ugly head even when I was my own boss.

If I finished work late into the evening, there was a high level of guilt even if I allowed myself a half hour sleep in. Or if I wasn’t working all weekend, why not?

I had started out with such a harmonious balance, working efficiently for a certain amount of hours a day and then taking a break for some exercise. Then I’d do a final burst of work before using my night to do whatever I needed.

At the first sign of a crisis, that went out the window and I really struggled to get back into my chosen way of thinking about work again.

Every minute I spent not working I felt guilty, knowing that my business needed my attention but being resentful as I was so depleted myself.

What falling back into this societal expectation created was an unhealthy relationship with a business that was my passion, multiple health crises and a spiral that was draining the colour from my life.

One day after a friend delivered me a cold hard slap about the situation I’d gotten myself into, I spent over a week trying to find the golden ticket.

How on earth was I going to get both my health and my business back? Each took so much time and effort, and where was a wage going to come from while I worked on even just these two things?

Finally the penny dropped. My life shouldn’t be squeezed into the time I have left, my business needed to work around my life.

We’re only here for a limited amount of years, and I’ve given too many years already giving myself almost entirely to my employers with a tiny amount of energy spent on my health and even smaller amount given to enjoying myself.

Honestly, wake up we’re here to live! I’m in the lucky position to be able to control my hours, but even if you’re in a desk job is 10+ hours of overtime really necessary?

Have you set yourself up as the one who will always go above and beyond? Do others match your input or do they coast off your hard work? If it’s the earlier, are you really in the best workplace for you?

An employer should respect that people have lives too, and be wise enough to know that happy employees are the most productive anyway.

I wrote 2016 goals around treating my staff to monthly massages and a delicious team lunch. I also vowed to recognise when they went above and beyond in a way that resonated with them.

Had I done any of these things for myself? No. Had I been exactly like the totalitarian bosses who said that anxiety attacks were a sign that we were doing a good job. No!!

I left all of that behind, yet somehow those voices, those expectations and the need to overexert myself reared their head as soon as I wasn’t looking.

Thankfully, I’m back. I have a more tangible understanding of how to create this in my life that I actually didn’t have when I stumbled upon work life balance earlier.

That had been for self preservation, after working 80+ hours for too long juggling agency life and starting a business. I was on the brink of a major health crisis and that was the real cause for my commitment to balance.

Now, it’s because I am here to live a life. It’s because I deserve to enjoy myself, and because I’m no longer a slave of someone else’s selfish desire to get the most out of me for their own benefit.

I am the master of my life and I’m going to have one. A real life.

I may still do more hours, but knowing that I’ve taken care of myself first and foremost gives me that fuel in the tank to make an informed decision after weighing up all of my and the company’s needs.

I feel like I’ve just smashed through a coating, and can see the ties to the old way of doing things crumbling around me in every area. And it feels good!

Even if it starts with taking one lunch break a week for you, you deserve to come first too.

Much love,

C

Silver medalist

So many people live in denial. Whether it’s subconsciously or consciously, they choose not to dig into why they are held back from whatever they may truly want.

When we’re living mindfully, we bravely face our internal demons, roadblocks and nasty bits and it’s not an easy thing to do.

What it gives us in return is hope that life isn’t stuck, and that we have the power to let go of so many things we otherwise would have no idea were holding us back.

It’s a chance to create, recreate and create some more in our lives in a constant cycle.

One of my highly volatile buttons I’ll admit is when I feel like I’m not important to someone or something that’s important to me, or like I’m the runner up prize and should be thankful to have that position.

Recently, what on the surface should have been very flattering simply wasn’t sitting right. I couldn’t put my finger on it but something in my gut was telling me to stay away.

It turned out that I, in this situation, was being groomed as a suitable backup plan.

Sorry life, but I’m not a backup plan. Do you know what else? You shouldn’t be either.

What is it in me that has made this scenario pop up over and over again in my life? My friends joke about it but also know full well it’s a recurring theme. 

I began to dig and saw how many areas in the past I’d tried to squeeze myself into something that clearly wasn’t right.

I’d forced myself to be the runner up prize, as when I was being totally myself I wasn’t the best choice for them and whatever it was wasn’t the best choice for me.

Whether it was stubbornness, lack of self worth or trust that I could actually have the perfect thing for me, I was the one telling life that it was okay to compromise who I am and settle for being an okay fit.

I was telling life that I’d change myself to at least some degree for something not quite right, and then I’d be grateful for it. I’d even be happy about it.

It had started with me.

Looking at my life now there weren’t many areas I could see myself doing this. Then one sprung to mind and it seemed to be the catalyst for many other areas that had started to show the same symptoms.

It hurt, but I consciously let go of this thing that wasn’t the right fit for me, at least for the time being.

I could clearly see how I was yet again trying to squeeze myself in to fit something that didn’t belong to me. I was once again telling life that it was okay to do this. It’s not.

As soon as I let go and made a conscious decision to be aware of when I fell back into this pattern life began to flow again.

Whether it’s friendships, relationships, work opportunities, social events we host or any area of our life where there’s others involved, we each deserve to be the very first choice.

We deserve to have people see our value and know with 100% certainty that they want what we are offering.

They should want us as we are, the real us, and everything should reflect this.

When we truly align with something that’s right there’s no escaping it. It just fits. We just fit, and it becomes effortless.

It’s that best friend who we feel like different parts of the same person, our soul mate or a perfect job that all the stars aligned for and continues to inspire us daily.

These symmetries are all around us. We each know that when it’s right, it’s right.

So this is my letter to life – I’m not a backup plan anymore.

I’m not the suitable but not quite right option, I’m not a placeholder and I’m certainly not the sidekick in my own life story.

We owe it to ourselves to learn to quickly identify when this is happening and step away.

Be aware and watch how the right things flows in. The best part? They’re always so much better when we get what was meant for us.

No matter the area, don’t settle for second best and certainly not being second choice.

You deserve to be wanted, respected and valued for everything you bring to the table always.

You deserve it. I deserve it.

Please let’s all stop selling ourselves short and settling when we know we could have so much more. It’s a brave move, but one I’m committing to. Will you?

Much love,

C

Part 3: Discovering personal boundaries

Realising and letting go of an unconscious pattern is a huge step and we should always acknowledge ourselves for what we’ve just done. It’s a big thing.

It does leave a gap in our thinking and way of being that needs to be filled to avoid us refilling it with more of the same old ways of thinking again.

This is how we create lasting changes to our ways of being.

Some new patterns are easy to create and can be done without a lot of effort or focus. I write about these often on the blog.

Other times, we have no comprehension of how to function without our unconscious pattern and need to look around.

What does this tangibly look like? How do other people do it? How do we maintain it?

Over-giving was a way of life and a huge part of who I was. I didn’t know anything else.

The people who seemed to be able to balance their life and time had always seemed so far away. The goal seemed unattainable so I never tried.

With a bit of mindfulness, I’d created this breakthrough a few times in my life but I’d never been able to maintain it.  

This time was different. I fully understood the impact it was having on myself, my goals and the people I loved and wasn’t giving up.

I was conscious not to fall into a common trap and simply become the polar opposite. This isn’t truly breaking free as it’s still being fuelled by the same limitation that drove the original way of being in most cases.

I didn’t want to become a taker. I wanted to learn how to automatically take a moment to check in with myself and how much I had to give to any one thing at the time.

Serendipitously two people popped up in my life who seemed to have amazing boundaries.

One seemed to have endless time and energy for everyone and everything he cared about, and the other was pragmatic at ensuring that he didn’t over-give himself while still fitting in what he was most passionate about.

They might as well have been aliens.

Luckily we spend a lot of time together so I’m slowly learning how they manage this on an ongoing basis.

They both make time for what is most important to them, and always consider what they want and need in terms of this.

They are inward, and balanced in some cases and are constantly checking in with what they want and need in that moment. Then they make it happen.

For example they may have said they’d go out but if they’re tired they’ll stay in. A-mazing.

If they are passionate about something they’ll make time for that no exceptions. Wow.

If someone is struggling, they’ll trust that this person will be okay, lend a shoulder or ear to the extent that they can without overburdening themselves and then move forward.

Wait, what?

This is the middle ground I wanted to find. The space between being selfish and giving to the point of a total and utter empty tank.

Who are we helping when we have an empty tank anyway? No one.

For me, there is still a fine line.

If someone is going through something that they truly cannot get through without me, I’ll be there.

On the other hand I’ll also make tough decisions that let me be there fully for whoever or whatever is most important in that moment. 

The difference is that now I don’t need to save every person that comes into my life whether they want me to or not.

The other difference is that now I have fuel in the tank for when something pops up and I need to be ready to go instantly. It’s opened up a lot of new experiences and made life a lot more spontaneous and fun.

Next time you are helping above and beyond what any logical person would do, ask yourself does this person truly need this much of my time and help?

We are all strong and resilient and blessed with the answers we need to get through. Always. We just need to learn to listen.

By doing the work for other people, we’re actually denying them the chance to learn, grow and move forward.

We’re hindering them and us. No one is winning in this situation.

If you’re an over-giver, or over-giving, ask yourself why. What are you getting out of saving people?

There’s always a payoff for doing anything. Even good deeds have payoffs.

When it’s to the extreme we are usually trying to counteract something big within ourselves.

Think back. Were you always like this?

If you stop saving people all of the time what are you afraid will happen?

There’s your clue.

From here you can begin unravelling the real reason why you are an over-giver, or any deep subconscious patter, and slowly take back the reins of your life.

Much love,

C

Part 2: discovering personal boundaries

The more I looked around, the more I saw areas where over-giving was spreading like a bad disease.

Business was one of the big areas.

The startup community is all about scratching each other’s backs.

I saw myself doing a lot of scratching. Not because I wanted to have the mutually beneficial two way exchange of knowledge, help and support, but because I felt like I needed to help them in any way I could.

I was time poor for the important things, and this is a lot to do with not investing my time wisely and over-giving. This habit needed to be kicked before it became expected.

There is always a place for kindness, compassion, support and helping a friend out, but when it becomes a constant demand from you it might be time to step back and see how much time and energy is being spent because you think you need to, versus want to.

Consider this: if you throw yourself into the ocean to save someone else without taking a moment to put on a life jacket is this the best solution?

What if you both drown? What if there was an easier and safer way to do this that would have kept you both safe?

By staying on the ship and throwing over a life saving device, or looking after yourself for a moment before you jump in, this leaves both of you with a lot more options. It also keeps you safe to help others in the future.

What does this look like in real life?

For me I began to look over where I was investing my energy. There was a lot I could see being driven by my unconscious need to over-give.

The list was unexpected and made things glaringly obvious – most of this wasn’t where I wanted to be spending my time or energy.

I went for a walk to help me process what I’d just realised.

I thought about what was most important to me. Who were the people I loved most? What areas of my life were most important? What topped me up so I had fuel in the tank at the end of the day?

A lot of this was also what makes me be a better person for me and everyone else.

Things began to click in my head.

When I’m consciously running my business, I’m always weighing up output versus input. When I do this the results speak for themselves.

Why do I not extend this into my personal life to at least some degree? Why don’t I take a moment to see if I have the time/energy/want to do something before jumping right in?

When I made this choice everything that is truly important to me all of a sudden had life breathed back into it. My life once again reflected the amazing one that I choose to create.

My life was my own again and I could breathe.

It’s a deeply engrained pattern so I began to look around for some tangible examples of people who have managed to do this in a balanced way. They began popping up in my life and this was the final step to creating personal boundaries.

Much love,

C

Part 1: Discovering personal boundaries

This is a post dedicated to all of the over-givers out there.

You know, the ones who give without apprehension or consideration.

Those of us who give first and think later. We who see someone in need and no matter what we’re doing or need will drop everything to help them on their journey.

This one is for you.

I looked around my life today and saw an unsettling trend that I was collecting a lot of takers again.

I’ve done a major cull over the last few years of takers as I am slowly learning to have better boundaries. Some takers left easily realising that I wasn’t giving them what they needed anymore, and other more toxic and connected people were much trickier.

It wasn’t a natural thing for me to do, but eventually I got more comfortable making hard decisions that were the best thing for my life.

Like so many over-givers this is a lifetime pattern from as early as I can remember. It would be based on a decision I made when I was very young, and has shaped my entire life and self until I became aware of its impact.

My mum was the best cook out of any of my friends’ parents and as many Italian women do, she showed her love through lovingly preparing our food.

At lunchtimes I’d share with my friends quite a bit. Their packaged lunches never seemed that appealing and I could have this kind of food anytime I wanted.

Just like sharing my lunch however, what starts out with innocent intentions for us to share within our boundaries can become expected and then forced in the wrong hands.

Takers, and even more so over-takers do not like it when they’re not considered.

Whatever the reason, be it forgetting or no longer wanting to indulge their every whim, things can get nasty sometimes when we start to change.

For me, I got strangled in the playground one day because I’d finished my lunch already when this person asked for some. There was none to give and this was her reaction.

I didn’t tell a soul until my adult life, feeling like it had been my fault for not thinking to share first.

Looking back, this left me with a few scars.

It taught me that I was only worth what I was willing to give, and that I had no right to think of myself first. In fact, it may have gone as deep as showing me that my life would be in danger if I didn’t give everything I had.

Thankfully I now see that this was an extreme case of bullying and, in reality, I had every right to eat my lunch. Our subconscious doesn’t see reality unfortunately however. It only sees threats and survival.

This is more than likely what changed me from being an giver into needing to be an over-giver.

Whatever happened in your life to give you this pattern may not have been as extreme on the outside, or maybe it was. Whatever happened the internal pain and decisions from that moment are more than likely very similar.

I’m so thankful for my chronic fatigue shining light (finally!) onto how my over-giver ways were adding to this condition.

It’s a big topic so my next post will talk more about the impact of over-giving and then how to dissolve this need within yourself or any over-givers in your life.

Much love,

C

Failing to win

Winning can look a lot like failing some days but they’re galaxies away from each other.

Growing up we get taught that failing is bad. If we’re lucky we got shown how to dust ourselves off and try again, but the underlying message was still that failing is bad.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on this notion recently after reminding a number of friends that we’re not all superhuman and that sometimes things don’t go to plan.

There are road blocks, health issues, temporary slips into old ways of being and the pièce de résistance when we think we’re doing the right thing and fail still. Again and again we fall and it hurts.

When this happens it’s time for that conscious voice to take the reins.

If we fall and don’t give up, we are already so far ahead of where we started, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

In the words of Thomas Edison “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

It’s completely true.

If we fail repeatedly and still don’t give up, we’re learning so much still. We’re learning to be resilient, adaptive, trusting and strong to name a few.

I think of it as growing laterally. Sometimes it’s not about becoming taller, but is about growing in another way.

Whether that’s new skills, ways of thinking or being, or maybe even some physical learnings, we’re still evolving and moving towards where we want to be.

It can be infuriating and disheartening, trust me I’m with you. Know however that our growth will eventually catch up so that we can shoot forward with far more speed and accuracy now that we’re truly ready.

There are plans that are bigger than us, and life is a lot easier if we listen, feel when something is right or amiss and roll with it.

When there’s no rules it’s hard. When the rules keep changing it’s hard, but if you look back you’ll see that you’ve learned so much and not given up. And you’ve probably done it with class and persistence.

That’s something not everyone can say.

Next time you feel like you’re failing, take a minute to look back and see how far you’ve come.

This and all blips are temporary if you embrace your next life lesson, learn and move on.

Fail often, fail big, fail repeatedly, just not in the same way. That’s how we grow and how we live this gloriously messy thing called life.

Hang in there.

Much love,

C

Mourning mindfully

A friend of mine took his life recently.

It would have been tough, as this was too large for friends or even him to sort out alone, but with the help of some professionals he had options.

A few days ago however, he made his choice.

Having been so closely involved I wasn’t sure how to react to the news. I knew it was a risk so unlike others I wasn’t caught completely off guard that he hadn’t been happy.

As someone still exploring how to live a powerful, conscious life…and also in utter shock…I called up my aunty to ask how to deal with this in an empowered way.

You are all familiar with how I dealt with, or for that matter hid from these situations in the past.

Emotions weren’t my forte but I now understand how important it is to feel my way through life. Especially in the harder times.

The conversation with my aunty reminded me that we must understand that feelings are just that, and allow them to pass. We need to actively assist this process in any way that we can.

Only then are we able to look around and care for those around us who might be suffering or in need.

It’s not about forgetting ourselves or suppression, no. It’s about being able to step outside of these emotions if need be to help others, while still feeling our way through.

For me I wrote that first night for 2 hours until I couldn’t feel my hand anymore. I let it all come out of my subconscious. Then I ran away to distract myself with dance. Then I came home to reality and cried.

There are emotions, many that I need to feel my way through, but by understanding that they are emotions and not all encompassing I will still able to be powerful in my life.

I will be able to be there for my friends who are suffering with this news if they need me. I will be able to remember a great man and to honour his memory.

I will also allow myself to heal as easily as possible.

It will take time. There will be good days and bad for I don’t know how long. But this loss will not consume my life.

I will still be able to bring love to the world and support those around me while handling my own crisis powerfully and completely. My emotions will also be much less all encompassing than they would have been previously as I feel them and let them pass.

This mindfulness is the key to living a powerful life. This is also the key to creating a better world.

Emotions are not the enemy.

They should not be suppressed nor allowed to take over with no end.

For a little while sure, feel your way through, but don’t let them take you away forever.

Mourn, be sad, be mad, be all the things. But be love in between.

Be kind to yourself, be kind to those around you, nurture and support others and honour the memory of your lost loved one.

I know you can. How? Because I’ve learned and from where I’ve come from I know anyone can.

You just need to choose. In every moment, we choose.

Much love,

C

Subconscious payoffs

I’ve spoken before about beginning my journey to consciousness with kinesiology. The next step was a job in sales that involved a mandatory three day personal development course.

This seminar and its following weekly workshops taught me a great deal about how to practically work through moments in my past that held me back, and begin living without their constraints.

An uncomfortable thing that it taught me is that everything, good and bad, is in my life by my own choosing. Everything is in my life because there is some type of a payoff.

My kinesiologist had been gentle with me, slowly letting me see that I could choose to be something more than I was currently being, but this seminar smacked us around the head with the knowledge that it was all by our choosing. Ouch!

At first we refused to look, especially those who had been the victims of horrible injustices or violations in their past. But eventually we all let go of our resistance and took a look within.

For each of us we had to ask ‘what is my payoff?’, even to the deepest wounds that we held onto.

Before I continue, let me say that there are situations where your past may have been horrific and there was nothing you could do to control it. I’m so very sorry that you had to experience this.

We do however have the power to stop these situations and scars from ruining our lives even one moment longer after we decide to let them go. That’s how we can take back our power.

Something that I was struggling with at the time was constantly being sick. Small sick, big sick, it depended on what year of my life we are looking at. It was always present and I couldn’t seem to catch a break. Why would I possibly want to create this?

After some coaching I began to see that this was my way UNCONSCIOUSLY of demanding attention after feeling invisible and ignored for most of my life.

I was shocked, and angry, and confronted…the list goes on, but I eventually calmed down and saw that it seemed to make sense.

Our subconscious is something illusive to us early on. It forms patterns and ways of being that protect us from our past failures, pain and embarrassment.

It is also something that we have little to no control over, but which has a great deal of control over our lives when we’re not aware of it.

Why would I make myself sick just for attention? I don’t need or want attention I told myself. Consciously I didn’t want it my coach told me, but what about subconsciously? Would me from many years ago have wanted to be loved and nurtured more?

It began making a little bit more sense. Now that I knew the cause I realised it was irrelevant and I wanted it gone.

This was the start of my conscious thinking journey and delving into my subconscious to see what else was swimming around there that was no longer relevant.

It was like a child eating their first ice-cream – I wanted more. And so began my insatiable appetite for more knowledge and understanding of this area. Nearly eight years later many teachers have come and gone, and I’m still very much a student of life.

Where will your conscious thinking journey take you?

Much love,

C

Techniques to trust

Trust is the most illusive skill in your conscious thinking tool box and I’d go out on a limb and say the most crucial.

Without trust in yourself and life being as it should be, your rational mind will likely be able to easily squash your conscious thinking efforts.

For me this topic springs to mind as I lay in bed with my mind whirring. Despite my body being exhausted, my brain has spent the last three hours on high speed.

I have just realised that the cause of this is my concern over one particular situation, though it has not been the only thing I’ve been pondering these last few hours. Now that I’ve seen the cause of my insomnia, enough is enough, I now choose trust.

The first step for me was thanking my awesome intuition for tapping me on the shoulder and letting me realise the cause of this restless mental chatter.

Being thankful is a great place to start in any situation and helps it become a habit in your daily life. The results can be pretty amazing but that is another post for another time.

The next step was leaving my emotions behind and looking at the situation analytically. Like many situations that we ponder relentlessly, I was missing pieces of the puzzle so no amount of analysing was going to help.

No wonder I couldn’t sleep! In this case the puzzle pieces were not going to be available any time soon as only time would tell, so I had no choice but to give up and trust.

There are plenty of affirmations and declarations available to you if this is something that you are open to and feel empowered doing. For me it is.

I simply declared that I was now choosing to trust the process of life. I then went further to say that I was ready and willing to accept the future situation, however it eventuated, and asked for it to be resolved quickly, effortlessly and perfectly in the best interest of both of us.

This is language that I would have never been comfortable using at the start of my personal development and conscious thinking journey so as always, take the essence of what I said and make it your own.

It is the intention that counts, not the exact words. With any affirmation or declaration the only guidance is to avoid negative words, and frame them as positives instead.

For me, this declaration brought immediate relief and a peaceful mind, but for others further steps might be required.

One technique that can be helpful is to do a guided meditation. There are so many resources out there that as long as you are willing to try a few, you’ll stumble across the right one for you. YouTube is a surprisingly valuable tool that will give you access to a huge range of meditations.

A simple one that can be adapted to help release many emotions, is to imagine a balloon, cloud or bubble of some sort floating above your body. It can be any shape, colour and size that you wish, as long as you can clearly see it. From there imagine whatever emotion you are trying to release being sucked from every part of your body and filling the balloon.

Once you can feel that the emotions have been lifted, go a little further and ask for anything that is causing this emotion or relating to it in any way also to leave your body and fill this floating object above you.

Once you feel or see or think that the balloon is full and you’ve released this emotion entirely, imagine it floating up and away until you can no longer see it.

These are a few simple tools that you can add to your conscious thinking tool kit and help you slowly learn to accept life as it is.

A quiet mind for me, and I hope you, makes this skill something worth learning to master.

Goodnight.

Much love,

C.