At a dance workshop I met two of the most amazing people. They radiated the highest level of self worth that I’d seen in a long time, yet were the most likeable, genuine and caring people in the room.
The perfect balance they seemed to have struck left me completely in awe.
When I got to dance with the female instructor, she greeted me with the biggest smile and began stroking my hair admiring it for how soft it was. She must have felt it when she hugged me. I was taken aback at how friendly she was.
She was instantly comfortable with every person in the room and her adorable personality won each of us over instantly.
I still referred to them as a Brazilian god and goddess when I talk about them, and I don’t think I was too far off in terms of what they radiated.
They were charismatic beyond belief, but I couldn’t figure out why until I spent a bit more time with them later that night at a social party.
I think it’s a part of their contract for each international artist to come along to a party that night. The social dancing kind of party.
The artists are usually swamped with people wanting to dance with them and I can understand that this is intimidating or possibly draining on some nights.
I occasionally find them hiding in a side room to catch their breath as they are hounded by the next round of keen attendees wanting their moment with someone famous in our dance scene.
I rarely ask these international artists for a dance as I feel sorry for them being squealed at like a rockstar which some are visibly shy about. Others do enjoy the admiration, I’ll admit that.
These two were different.
Between them they asked every person in the room to dance at least once, making sure that no one was left out.
They were both totally focused on the person they danced with, making it at the right level so that we felt like the best dancer in the world for that one song.
So often the artist is looking around the room, visibly bored when dancing with someone.
They stayed in the room and had genuine conversations with each person, giving us their full attention even if it was only a few moments before the next person would come up and ask for a dance.
There was no queue, which there always is, and people hesitated to interrupt their conversations because we could each see that they were completely present and engulfed in whatever the other person was saying.
They gave 100% of themselves to whatever they were doing.
At the end of the night, instead of sneaking out, they came up to each and every person, gave us a giant heartfelt hug, genuine smile and a thank you for the dances/conversation.
I then realised what made them so enigmatic, and what true charisma boils down to.
True charisma isn’t about saying hello, it’s about being so amazingly excited and grateful to have the chance to do so.
It’s about giving 100% of yourself to whatever you are doing in that moment.
It’s also about being unapologetically you.
Not everyone would be that friendly, but their kindness and enthusiasm were both so genuine that it was well received by even the hardest hearts in the room. They were unapologetically them and we loved them for it.
How do we get to this stage?
Charisma is more than the external attributes I just mentioned that is visible to others. There’s a deep level of self respect involved to be able to give that much of yourself and be so genuinely you in each moment.
In order to become charismatic, and a person that people genuinely flock to, it starts with us.
We need to care for ourselves first, so that when we need to or choose to, there’s so much love, enthusiasm and kindness to give.
It’s like the bonus round in our quest for self worth. It’s the level where we learn to remain humble and present to the needs of others, while putting our needs first in total harmony.
Self respect is an ongoing journey, and even once we get there it still takes focus in a different kind of way. The payoff though is a life that you love and being who you truly are, unapologetically in every area and moment of your life.
That to me is worth all of the failings, all of the highs and all of the lows as I reach for it.
It can seem so tedious or unattainable at times, and we can lose our way so it’s important to keep our goals front of mind whatever they are.
Find what works for you and keep your eye on the prize. Then maybe you’ll create all eyes on you.