Part 1: The fear cycle of illness

The day before my largest chronic fatigue relapse in a long time I had brunch with a friend who has spent the last year recovering from a severe chronic fatigue crash of her own.

As we sat there discussing where she was at with her recovery I coached her a little bit, drawing from my own past experiences.

Never did I dream the next day I’d be right back there myself.

Right back experiencing all of the helplessness, confusion and as much as I tried not to, fear that gets triggered by this and so many other health issues.

Speaking about how I’d overcome all of these feelings had seemed so far away as we munched on our meals.

As life had it I was reunited with the experience all too quickly.

We’ve discussed before that if we’re able to experience emotions, accept them and release them, that they can pass relatively quickly. That was step one.

This was also a welcome sign that although I appeared to be back in a similar situation to one that had nearly beaten me all those years ago, it would be different this time. I was different.

Ditching the guilt, self pity and anger that would have consumed me when I was younger, I was able to get on with healing.

I knew that the next step was rest, and I did this.

I cancelled all of my social plans and made arrangements with work as best as I could to cater to my need for serious amounts of sleep and a stress free environment.

It also prompted me to get my eating back on track one hundred percent.

This was something I’d been doing a tango with for the last year. I also made meditation and surrounding myself with nature a priority.

By doing each of these things I knew that I was doing everything I could physically to support myself. From there it was just about being patient and trusting all would be well soon.

Some days I was swayed to believe otherwise, but each time I came back to what I knew – that it was going to be okay.

Keeping my fear in check was a journey of its own.

It was the key, and where the fear cycle of illness really shone its light into some dark subconscious…almost prehistoric patterns within.

Stay tuned for part two.

Much love,

C

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