Do we all have certain buttons that when pressed send us instantly crazy?
It can’t just be me.
I see it all the time in different forms, whether it is someone getting angry after being given constructive criticism or comfort eating after a fight.
We each have certain buttons, triggers and responses that rear their ugly heads before we can blink.
In my case one of mine is people treating me like I’m worthless.
Like my opinions are worthless, my time is worthless and my friendship/love is worthless along with many others.
This particularly sensitive button of mine can be triggered in many different ways. Sometimes it is a malicious, conscious push by a narcissist or negative influence, but most of the time it is people innocently triggering something that they have no idea is so highly charged.
When we look at these innocent people and the anger is starting to bubble away it’s easy to give in to our ego and emotions and choose to be right.
“Of course they are *insert whatever insult our huffing ego is calling them here*!”
It feels good to be right and to justify our beliefs. We actually spend most of our lives trying to do exactly that for every belief…but that’s a topic for another post.
If we step back for a second and look at the situation without emotion, let’s ask ourselves “does this really merit the response I am having?”.
Sometimes the answer will be yes, and this might be an opportunity to communicate our needs or establish boundaries.
In many cases however the answer will be no, and that’s where conscious thinking really takes commitment and guts.
This is the moment we either give in to our ego and be right, or become a master of our own life, choose conscious thinking and begin to eat some humble pie.
You see, the big secret our ego doesn’t want us to realise is that the trigger is not the person who did whatever the action might be, or even the action itself that we are reacting to.
If you are fighting me at this point it’s more than likely your ego trying to keep its power over you. You’ve listened to it for so long it’s not going to want a blogger to take away its hold on you.
You have been a faithful follower, carrying out its needs and wishes.
By indulging our auto-responses we are being servants to our past and our ego. But I believe we are better than that and that we deserve a life where we choose.
If we are going to choose to indulge our emotions, let’s at least consciously do it. Are you ready?
Be honest – if this situation happened to another person, would they respond in the same way and to the extent you are reacting?
If we really take the emotion out, our honest answer will likely be no. This means that we are not reacting to the person or the situation at all!
In these moments we are actually reacting to something or someone from our past, not necessarily them.
So that person we were about to turn all Carrie on, well let’s put down the pail, take a breath and realise that they actually don’t merit our response…or at least not to that scale.
Becoming powerful and the master of our emotions, and in turn life, sometimes means admitting that we were in that moment fuelled by ego and were wrong to react in that way.
Ouch goes our ego!
All that said, our reactions happen without us realising. They are automatic unconscious habits, so be kind while learning to tame them.
It might take years before we can quickly pick up that our ego is about to strike and consciously choose to react in a more powerful way.
Mastery doesn’t happen overnight but the rewards will be worth it. Don’t give up. Celebrate every win no matter how small.
I know you can learn to master your ego – do you?