I am only recently getting back in touch with my intuition. That little voice in my head that just knows. I believe when I was younger, like many kids, I was totally in touch with my intuition and was usually steered in the right direction. But as other influences came into my life I began to question myself.
There were so many times that I knew something but hushed this little voice to follow my peers and attempt to fit in. I didn’t really, I was a bit of an odd child like so many kids who are sensitive, but none the less I tried.
My life became a constant battle of being influenced by others. I was soft hearted and all too willing to trust that everyone else knew what was best for me, despite me knowing otherwise deep down. Shoosh I told that little voice. So one day that little voice stopped speaking to me.
Years went on and eventually I got sick of constantly being at the whim of others. I had had enough of having my mind constantly being changed, and changing my beliefs on a whim to satisfy every person around me. Enough was enough. So instead I chose to become incredibly stubborn and not listen to or be influenced by anyone.
The issue with this new found mindset was that my intuition was still hushed. So at this time I was really acting either from a state of fight or flight responding to my past experiences, or trying desperately not to be like everyone else. It depended on the situation.
Though no longer dominated by others, I knew I was still not being true to myself or acting in my best interest. When I was expending so much energy trying not to be like others, and not be influenced in any way by them I was still trapped and at the mercy of others. There was still no freedom.
As I began to learn to release the past and create my future from a blank slate, only then did I begin to gain some power over my own life.
And one day I heard that little voice again. At first I was unsure, but I soon saw that each time I chose not to listen to it I’d always end up off track. I quickly learned to trust it and respect it.
The problem was and still is, that trust and respect for something seemingly intangible can still be swayed by people around us, societal norms and even our own rationalisation.
Just moments ago I was tempted to be influenced by someone who I care about deeply, fall into fear and run to another to confirm what I already knew…just in case. They had my best interest at heart but their views were being influenced by panic as well as their own past and I could see this.
The first thing I did was to ensure I was not acting from my own past and being stubborn. To achieve this I first chose to be thankful, thankful for their care and them being in my life. Next, instead of sticking my head in the sand and ignoring the issue, or digging my heels into the sand and stubbornly ignoring them I looked at things from their point of view and also from a few other angles. By doing this I could see their side with a greater understanding and have compassion.
I then considered their opinion diplomatically, and made a choice that was best for me and in line with my beliefs. I chose to trust my intuition, that little voice that told me everything was exactly as it should be. And as it turned out, it was.
In my quest to overcome the limitations of my past and create the amazing life I desire I have gotten into the habit of running to others for help.
I feel like my journey right now is learning to trust that I’ve got the knowledge required within me in many situations. It is about getting back in touch with my own knowing. And yes sometimes that does mean knowing I need to consult another.
It about learning to respect my intuition, and trust it, and as this relationship grows again I’m excited to see where it leads me.